I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
