I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
