sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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