also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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