i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
