apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
