I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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