im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
