How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
