I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
