What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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