She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
