I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
