don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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