I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
