...so i touched it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
