I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
