watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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