remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
