i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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