went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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