Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm just crazy horny about you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
