mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
