We won't sleep together?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
