I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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