ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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