you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He shit in the fireplace
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
