Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
