you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
