dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
