it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
