My liver just broke up with me...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
