And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
