im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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