Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
