She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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