I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
