An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
