if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
