just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
