Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
