Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
