btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
