I want to make a zoo with you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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