i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
