I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
