this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
