When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
