I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
