in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
