The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
