I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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