i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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